we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
