she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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