I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
