I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
smell my finger.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
