i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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