Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
