can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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