Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
