we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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