The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
