I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
