I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
