My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
