Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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