I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
