Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
