Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
