i was born a porn star she said
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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