I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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