so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
