God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
