I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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