when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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