She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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