I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
