Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
