Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
they need to just BURY HIM!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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