Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I would ride that face into the sunset
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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