in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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