I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
