I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
