Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
