why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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