I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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