I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
