Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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