my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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