guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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