he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
