Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
