I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
