I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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