There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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