You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
