conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
where are you?
Hypothermia
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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