I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
