Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
