omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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