i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
