Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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