He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
