I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
