Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
