i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
