just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
